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Verbiage
Czar Howls
Like a Wolverine
By Bill Zahren
(Posted
03/22/99)
Verbiage
Czar wanders the cube farm feeling like a squatty, nocturnal,
nonhybernating land carnivore.
Q:
What's the deal with you acting like a Wolverine?
A:
V. Czar is celebrating Sioux City West's victory as the Iowa
High School 4A State Basketball Champions. Makes our royal
Verbiagehood want to howl, even though actual Wolverines generally
don't vocalize.
Q:
Why are you so powered up about the Wolverines winning?
A:
First, Verbiage Czar makes his royal home in the West High
school district, meaning our royal daughters will one day
make opponents look weak and feeble while wearing the green
Wolverine colors. But, more importantly, our friend and co-worker
Alex Murphy is assistant coach of the Wolverines.
Q:
So what's your nickname for the team?
A:
With apologies to excellent
head coach Jim Hinrich, I call West "Alex and the Murphtones."
Q:
So, what should we do if we know Alex?
A:
Throw dollar bills at him
and attempt to carry him around on your shoulders.
Q:
Did you talk to Alex after they won the big trophy on March
20 in Des Moines?
A:
Sure, Alex said it finally
sunk in during the welcome home fest at West High the following
night. Grown men crying like small children. Championship
tears running down their courageous cheeks.
Q:
I hear Alex holds a "ZONE" cue card on the bench really well.
A:
Green sport coat, flashy tie, shaved head -- striking.
Q:
What's up with the sport coats?
A:
The
team was 21-0 with the coaches wearing The Coats. Sports people
get really bizarre about superstitious stuff. I'm not going
to comment on the rumor that there was some lucky underwear
involved.
Q:
So did Alex get emotional after they won?
A:
Nope. He was a cool he-man about it and just went over and
shook hands with the other team. His level of external emotion
rivaled that exhibited during the signing of a house mortgage.
Alex claimed he hadn't realized what had really happened.
Video guys. Without replay, they don't catch on too quickly.
Q:
How would you have acted, Smart Guy?
A:
Probably
about the same, but inside I'd have been bouncing around and
hanging by the rim, screaming and kicking my feet.
Q:
I suppose West's star shooting guard, Kirk Hinrich or massive
center Slaven Markovic were the keys to victory.
A:
Sure, those guys were great. All tournament. But Verbiage
Czar always tries to notice the people who do the little things
to make it happen. People like assistant coaches for defense,
for example, and players like Kasey Vergith and Tom Peck.
Q:
What did they do?
A:
1:15 to go in the fourth.
West up 59-55. Opponent slashing to the hoop to draw them
within two and Kasey stepped in and took the charge.
The ref made that magic symbol of his right hand behind his
head and his left hand pointed back up court. That would be
charging on white and we're going other way, baby. BOOOOOOO-YEAH.
Verbiage Czar wiped a tear as Kasey gave it up for the team.
Before that, role player Tom Peck threw himself out of bounds,
contorting his body into a question mark to get around an
opponent, and somehow wing the ball to Hinrich before crashing
into sundry spectators. Hinrich strolled in for a lay-up.
Let's see that one in slow mo, baby. If I'm Tom Peck's parent,
I would have exploded into tiny bits right on the spot. "That's
the way this team has played all year," Alex said. "That really
was one of the turning points in the game."
Q:
Oh, I get it. You're saying you don't have to be a star on
defense or offense to contribute mightily to a championship.
A:
You're
smarter than you look. They only give those rings to teams.
Individuals don't qualify. Makes a Verbiage Czar misty to
think about it.
Q:
How about a little something for Alex and the Murphtones?
A:
By the power vested in my by absolutely no one, I, Verbiage
Czar, hereby declare the World Wide Web to be Wolverine Land
for the remainder of the week. So let it be written, so let
it be done. Go give Alex a hug and feel free to howl amongst
yourselves.
© 1999
Bill Zahren
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