Pressdog.com

Gettin' Jiggy on ebay

By Bill Zahren
(Posted 06/08/00)

So you wanna be a digital hep cat. Throw down with the ones and zeros. Arrange your life with a Matrix-esque series of lightly tapped commands on your oh-so-thin portable.

'Cause you're an online playah, G. Word up -- better get your diggity over to the online commerce free-for-all: www.ebay.com.

They're shaking their groove thing on ebay. It's one big, gurgling, unbridled, online, self-policing, buyer-and-seller festival o' free commerce love. The Internet version of a third-world market, minus the live chickens and goats.

I'm writing these very words on a Gateway Solo 2500 portable computer purchased on ebay from a nice lady in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Some interloper tried to outbid me with minutes to go in the auction, but I stayed strong, fueled by a slush fund created by a freelance weekend writing gig. Scored the sale for $15 less than my maximum maxium price, and only $35 more than my maximum price.

Got a new battery and an extra 64MB of memory for Mr. Solo in separate transactions. Total spend: $700. Striking. I broke down and bought a carrying case for it at an actual analog strip mall store (don't tell ma online homeyz). BUT, I did locate the store through the bag-maker's Web site, www.targus.com (so at least give the p-dog a partial shout out).

Many people seem a little knotted up about coming into the ebay 'hood for fear of digital purse snatching. You could get ripped off, it's true, but ebay has countered that nicely with Ye Little Olde Feedback file. Everyone on ebay, buyers and sellers, has a feedback file that all the other members can add to and access at any time. So, if you're thinking of buying a vacuum from someone, you can click their feedback file and read what other people think of the seller. If the seller has 138 satisfied customer testimonials, well, it's a pretty good bet he or she won't rob ya.

If you're the high bidder, the seller e-mails you with the name and address where you can send the cashiers' check or money order. Or you can use a service that bills your credit card and sends the seller a check. Of course you could send your money and get zip in return. It's possible. But, you factor that in when you're bidding. I'll take the low risk of getting screwed out of my $20 in order to get an almost-new modem valued at $125. It's kind of like Vegas with a million times better odds of actually winning.

A course all the arousal caused by ebay's Fabulous Four attractions -- bargain prices, convenience, competition and mild risk -- prove too much for some. My sister knows a guy who dropped THREE GRAND one weekend on ebay for a assortment of crap he didn't need. So he got the big digital hook in his gill. Better get that guy some rehab and don't let him near the "gaming" establishments. (The "game" is you give money to the casino owners in order to see some pretty cards or watch pretty machines light up and make noises. Fun for the whole family!)

But, ya know, us online insiders kind of dig the unruliness of the Web. That thin element of danger. Just like any city, the Web has bad neighborhoods (porn sites). It's got people who want to rip you off. It's zeal for free speech makes space for repulsive stuff like atheist, anti-Christ, Nazi, racial hate and anarchist spew. But it also gives digital acres to a ton more religious, educational, artistic, freedom and democracy sites.

And if you can afford to get online you can have a Web page and say anything any newspaper columnist would ever say. (This very space is free-o-charge for the p-dog. Just pop to www.geocities.com and get your own free Web site. Bam, your an instant publisher.)

Say it with me: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." (First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, as if I'm even close to worthy.)

My neighbor one cube over, Jeff the Bicycle Freak (and I mean that with sincere affection), bought a water softener on ebay. A water softener! Nearly new for less than half retail, including shipping.

To me, the measure of a great country is being able to post and read (or not read) verbal spew like this AND buy a freakin' water softener from a random stranger over the Web. God bless lightly regulated free enterprise and the First Amendment. I'm going to have to take a minute here. Where's that little American flag? I want to fly it from my Solo.

So get jiggy wit' ebay, Homes. Just control yourself and don't blame me if you get ripped off. Risk you take when your in the ebay 'hood. Peace.

The p-dog is outta here.

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