Pressdog.com

A Film By Some Big Shot

By Bill Zahren
(Posted 02/05/01)

You know those credits that come on the screen at the start of a movie?

As in: “A Bob Rookiedirector Film.”

“A Jimmy’s House of Fun Production”

“In Association with Laugh Time Entertainment.”

“And P-Dog Media Enterprises.”

They're called “possessory credits” and they make the brothers and sisters of the Writer’s Guild of America seriously pissed. They’re completely unamused that some rookie director gets “A film by” credit waaaaaaay up front and the screen writer gets some eight-point “and Jimmy Smith wrote some stuff” credit right above the “Copyright MMI Columbia Pictures” at the end.

They’re singing a little Aretha, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.” Pretend you build computers. (Just go with me on this.) There are about five of you who do all the tasks to build the computer. One guy puts in the motherboard. Another woman slaps in the hard drive and cables, some other guy installs the DVD and power source and on around the pod. But the middle guy, who assembles the case, gets to put “built by Arnie Snodrocker” on the box.

Wouldn’t take long until the other people on the team started hating Arnie. After a month, Arnie better grit his teeth when starting his car. Because even if everyone’s getting paid exactly the same, the rest of the team feels dissed.

That’s how screenwriters feel when they pee blood to get something cool out there and then get treated like creative stepchildren. How pissed are they? Pissed enough to strike.

Let’s see how many films by Bob Snapowitz come out if the screenwriters strike in May over this idiotic “possessory credit.” Without a writer, all the energy and elan that filmmaker Bob Rookiedirector brings to the film has the total value of a popcorn fart.

The Writer’s Guild of America is a screenwriter’s union. Actors, writers and directors in Hollywood and New York City all have unions. Hollywood is a big union town. Lots of Teamsters. The Screen Actor’s Guild is the big one. The only union in the world with multimillionaire members. Then there’s the Directors Guild of America and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. The unions mainly get with all the movie, TV or commercial makers and establish minimum pay scales, work rules and blah, blah, blah.

I used to be in a guild. The slightly lower profile Newspaper Guild. I was vice president of Local 123, representing the editorial, production and circulation workers at the Sioux City (Iowa) Journal. Oh yeah, a union officer. Striking. (Figuratively, of course.) I can do some stuff with an axe handle. (Kidding. I’m non-violent -- mostly.)

I’m proud of my union years. And I'm down with the WGA brothers and sisters in LA and NYC, just as I was down with the SAG and AFTRA commercial on-camera and voice actors who endured a six-month strike over pay issues last year. And I was also down with the homeys in the Pacific Northwest Newspaper Guild who struck the Seattle Times and Seattle Post-Intelligencer for 49 days starting Nov. 21. Those guildsters threw up a Web site and continued reporting the news while on strike. God I love the Web.

The Writer’s Guild is considering striking because, in a nutshell, they’re kind of tired of “filmmakers” taking a piss on them daily. It’s the whole “anybody can write this stuff” thing all writers face. Besides, nobody reads the copy anyway.

Just look at the Web. You’ll find some of the worst copy on the planet, but the only thing 95% of the world cares about is keeping it short. That’s why 25 putrid words are more valued online than 35 golden verbal nuggets. And sites all sound the same. Business sites gurgle with “solutions.” Analyzed a web page the other day and found eight uses of “solutions” in a 400-word document. They’ve got solutions! Given the overall lameness of online copy there’s a major opportunity to use great copy to set yourself apart. But at least the graphics pop and the logo spins!

Now actors, they do read the copy. If the script sucks, there’s only so much Jack Nicholson and others can do to help it. Clint Eastwood’s “Go ahead, make my day” was a combination of some writer’s genius and Clint’s delivery. Same deal for Jack Nicholson’s “You can’t handle the truth.” Writer without actor is dead meat, and vice versa. And it looks like the studios might have to learn that the hard way unless they ditch the idiotic possessory credit and start treating writers like part of the creative team.

All these strikes and proposed strikes are about one thing -- the value of talent. My buddy Tom Peters says we’re in the Age of Talent. Because, as it’s always been, human talent -- whether at fixing cars or painting houses or writing scripts -- is the real key to business success. People think it’s price and quality and the rest of it, but all that springs from talent. I personally weep copious tears of joy for talented copy editors and proofreaders. They have skills I lack (as evidenced by the typos on my site) and, thanks to their skill, my work becomes our work and is greatly improved. All those guilds were formed to protect the idea that talent matters. Talent costs more, but it makes you money in the long run through creativity, efficiency, coolness and on and on.

The dark side of talent is, over time, people tend to take it for granted, or think everyone has it in equal measure. I’m not whining. I work in a place that values quality writing, which is one of the reasons I chose to work here. And like every other writer I accept a lot of “anyone can do that” attitude that comes with being a writer, or even an actor. We accept it from random people on the street. That “how tough is that?” attitude just increases whenever great writers and actors make something look effortless.

But it’s much harder to take from members of your own creative posse. The men and women of the WGA may have to adjust some creative family attitudes by striking. More’s the pity.

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