Pressdog.com

Flip Ya For it

By Bill Zahren
(Posted 09/01/02)

To everyone who thinks Iowa is Cultural Wasteland I say:

Nanner nanner nan-ner.

We got culture, yes we do. We got culture how about you?

My evidence? Merely the fact that tens, hundreds, possibly thousands of Iowans are gripped by the following serious culture/art subject: What to put on the State Quarter.

That even qualifies as public art, which has an even more high brow “inflicting art on the unwashed masses,” feel to it. Makes me almost L.A. giddy.

Since Iowa’s turn on the quarter is coming up in 2004, we’ve made the key first move to making any great art decision -- formed a committee.

You certainly can’t make such a HUGE, economic development make-or-break decision like what’s on your state’s quarter without a committee of people whose idea of art is a nicely centered memo in Microsoft Word.

Now when it comes to representing the whole of Iowa with one symbol or image, people usually scurry for one of two camps: the “New York Wannabes” camp or the “Dirt Worshippers” camp.

The New York Wannabes are violently sick of everyone thinking Iowa is some kind of national refuge for tractors. Like Iowa is some kind of John Deere Jurassic Park where tractors just roam free.

The New York Wannabes are also tired of people thinking all Iowans dress in overalls, have pig shit between our shoes and drive our pickups down dirt roads to towns frozen in the 70s. (Our towns are frozen in the 80s, just for your information smarty pants.)

Perfect example the other day on National Public Radio. The story was about Matchbox toy car makers who, ever-willing to cash in on a trend, are making a toy vehicle to represent every state in the union. Guess what the Iowa vehicle is?

Yep, a tractor. (Well, duhhhhh. What else would it be?) Yeah, we’re all about tractors here. The place is thick with them. I parked next to one in the parking ramp this morning. Hey, if it has to be a farm vehicle, at least make the Iowa state vehicle a combine. (Note to the farm illiterate: That’s the $300,000 machine that harvests crops.)

You KNOW the California vehicle is a flashy-ass convertible sports car. And New York will have the diplomatic immunized limo, or possibly a beat-to-shit taxi. Florida is going to either be a low rider or a Mickey Mouse golf cart.

Indiana’s state Matchbox vehicle has to be the Indy car. Damn those Hoosiers! Oh how I envy them. They’re just as ag as Iowa, yet their state vehicle goes 216.9 mph through the corners. Shout out to the Indiana committee for having the collective brains to put an Indy car on their quarter.

A tractor as the Iowa state vehicle is the stuff that makes New York Wannabes blow chunks all over their Volvo dashboards. They demand something, anything, non-farm on the quarter. Like a 9mm handgun or something (too late, Florida has that one).

No, maybe some kind of TECHNOLOGY. Technology is often presented as the ultimate non-farm symbol. Slap some kind of microchip on the quarter or something and our state image will be instantly transformed.

On the other side of the state coin debate (har!) are the Dirt Worshippers. The Dirt Worshippers are sick of people who are sick of having Iowa known for agriculture. They get prickly whenever someone tries to promote some urban aspect of Iowa (don’t laugh). They take it as a diss to farmers who “built this state.”

They’re thrilled to have a tractor as the Iowa Matchbox car, although fighting may break out between the green John Deere and red International Harvester brand loyalists. Dirt Worshippers see mighty Des Moines, population 400,000-ish, as big city that ignors the rural areas (translation: rest of the state).

As someone who grew up in a tiny Iowa town and now lives in the evil concrete blob of Des Moines, I can see both points.

I’m a little tired of everyone thinking Iowa barely has indoor plumbing let alone actual paved roads. But then again, I’m a bit of an introvert, so if it the false reputation keeps massive crowds away from Iowa, it’s not all bad.

And, to be sure, farmers rock. Only about 100,000 of the 3 million Iowans are farmers, but you’ll never find harder working, normal, honest, salt-of-the-earth and dependable people than farmers.

So where does a conflicted fifth-gen Iowan come down on the Great Quarter Debate? Slap a big ear of corn on there, baby. Stamp the largest boar (male pig who has all his equipment) on there. Maybe a huge sow (female mamma pig), her teats laden with dinner for the piglets.

Look, this is Iowa. We are what we are. We feed the world. We’re more than farms, sure, but you’re never going to convince anyone that Iowa is frigging Metropolis (and we certainly don’t want it to be), so don’t embarrass yourself trying.

Last I heard the committee was stunning me with a good idea: some kind of rural landscape in the style of Iowa native Grant Wood who said, “I realized that all the really good ideas I’d ever had came to me when I was milking a cow. So I went back to Iowa.”

Even Iowa committees are long on common sense, it seems. I say embrace the cattle teats and soybeans plants. Rolling hills, hogs and hard working people -- striking. It’s who we are and where we came from.

You could do a lot worse.

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